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Livre d'or
[3930] messages sur le livre d'or le 11/07/26 par ArinaDoroloeevafus le 10/07/26 par ArinaDoroleevaNup le 10/07/26 par Camila le 10/07/26 par Akeem5n le 10/07/26 par IstzDianaFaritovnaSnove le 09/07/26 par Kandy le 07/07/26 par Camila le 04/07/26 par RavensGateBridgeSnove le 03/07/26 par Rochelle le 03/07/26 par Fidel le 03/07/26 par Mohammed le 03/07/26 par Royal le 02/07/26 par Mariel le 02/07/26 par Stormy le 02/07/26 par Gladys le 01/07/26 par Dannybox le 01/07/26 par Dannybox le 30/06/26 par Dannybox le 30/06/26 par Dannybox le 30/06/26 par Yasuhiro le 30/06/26 par Dannybox le 30/06/26 par Ken le 30/06/26 par Rocky2l le 29/06/26 par Sofia le 28/06/26 par Dessie le 28/06/26 par Linnea le 28/06/26 par Lillian le 28/06/26 par Loreen le 28/06/26 par Frederic le 28/06/26 par Bryce le 27/06/26 par Camila le 26/06/26 par Selene le 26/06/26 par Graciela le 26/06/26 par Dorine le 26/06/26 par Sheri le 25/06/26 par Nelson le 25/06/26 par Albertha le 25/06/26 par Zelma le 24/06/26 par AugustKnods le 21/06/26 par Abhi le 21/06/26 par AleksandrSkawn le 16/06/26 par ettawx2 le 16/06/26 par NAERTREGE1342910NEYRTHYT le 15/06/26 par Williamslush le 14/06/26 par Marioadape le 09/06/26 par Fae le 08/06/26 par Davidsheve le 05/06/26 par Ashlee le 04/06/26 par Camila le 04/06/26 par Jeffrey le 04/06/26 par Libby le 04/06/26 par Davidenunk le 04/06/26 par Felix le 04/06/26 par Cole le 04/06/26 par Petra le 03/06/26 par Joesph le 03/06/26 par Kandi le 03/06/26 par Joanna le 02/06/26 par Abhi le 01/06/26 par Davidsheve le 01/06/26 par Jeremy Allen le 01/06/26 par Abhi le 01/06/26 par Eugenesix le 29/05/26 par Camila le 28/05/26 par Larae le 28/05/26 par Andrew le 27/05/26 par Abhi le 22/05/26 par Meghan le 21/05/26 par Normandnug le 20/05/26 par Paulina le 19/05/26 par Jonn le 19/05/26 par Marioadape le 19/05/26 par Darrin le 18/05/26 par Francisco le 17/05/26 par Oj le 17/05/26 par Jed le 16/05/26 par DanteChoon le 16/05/26 par Adelaida le 16/05/26 par Guadalupe le 01/03/26 par Oj le 01/03/26 par Violette |
and I held your hand as it burned you from within,
watching your hair fall out in clumps onto the pillow,
a sacrifice to a god of mercy who never came.
Your skin became a map of suffering,
each bruise a territory claimed by the invading army,
each injection point a flag planted in conquered flesh,
while I stood guard at the bedside,
useless as a toy soldier in a real war.
The doctors spoke in percentages and statistics,
their clinical language a shield against the horror unfolding
before their very eyes,
but I saw the truth in their eyes when they thought I wasn't looking—
the prognosis was death,
the treatment merely a postponement.
I bathed your wasted body when you could no longer stand,
the water running gray as it washed away the last of you,
my hands trembling as they touched the bones
where once there had been softness and warmth,
mother and daughter roles reversed in this nightmare of decay.
The machines beeped their relentless rhythm,
a countdown to the moment when they would fall silent,
when the line would go flat,
when the nurse would come in and turn them off
with the same casual finality as switching off a light.
I slept in the chair beside your bed for thirty-seven nights,
waking at every change in your breathing,
every moan that escaped your cracked lips,
every shudder that wracked your fragile frame,
a vigil of terror and love and helplessness.
You whispered my name in the final hours,
your voice a ghost of what it had been,
and I leaned close, my ear against your dry lips,
straining to catch words that came like scattered leaves
in the wind of your departing soul.
"I'm sorry," you said,
as if this suffering were somehow your fault,
as if you hadn't fought with every cell of your being,
as if you hadn't endured the unspeakable for me,
and I wanted to scream until my throat bled.
The moment came with no dramatic fanfare,
just a soft exhalation,
a slight relaxing of the tension in your face,
a sudden stillness that filled the room like a presence,
the presence of absence.
I lay with your cooling body for hours after you were gone,
stroking your hair,
kissing your forehead,
talking to you as if you could still hear me,
refusing to acknowledge the finality that had already claimed you.
They came to take you away,
their solemn faces a mockery of the chaos inside me,
their gentle handling of your body an insult to the violence
with which you had been taken from me,
and I wanted to claw their eyes out.
The house is a museum of your absence,
your toothbrush still in its holder,
your slippers by the chair where you used to sit,
your coffee mug with the lipstick stain still on the rim,
all artifacts of a civilization that has fallen.
I wear your clothes sometimes,
wrapping myself in the fabric that still holds your scent,
closing my eyes and pretending that your arms are around me,
that you are holding me safe,
that I am not alone in this world that has become a void.
The grief is a physical thing,
a weight in my chest,
a knot in my stomach,
a constant companion that whispers in my ear,
tells me I should have died with you,
that my survival is a betrayal.
The darkness calls to me,
promises reunion,
promises an end to this agony of being alive when you are not,
and I find myself listening,
finding comfort in the thought of the cold earth,
the silence of the grave,
the finality of death.
I trace the veins on my wrists,
feel the pulse beneath my skin,
the rhythm of life that should have been yours,
and I wonder how many beats remain,
how many breaths before I can finally join you,
before I can finally rest.
The pills are in the cabinet,
the same kind that failed to save you,
but they might succeed in ending me,
in delivering me to the place where you wait,
where the suffering ends,
where mother and daughter can be together again.
I think of you often,
of your smile,
of your laugh,
of the way you said my name,
and the memories are both comfort and torture,
a reminder of what I've lost,
of what I can never have again.
The world keeps turning,
people keep living,
laughing,
loving,
oblivious to the hole that has been torn in the fabric of my existence,
oblivious to the fact that my world ended the day yours did.
Sometimes I scream,
a raw, animal sound that tears at my throat,
a sound of pure agony,
of rage against the injustice of it all,
of despair that knows no bounds,
and I wonder if you can hear me wherever you are.
The blood calls to me,
the crimson river that flows beneath my skin,
the same river that stopped flowing in yours,
and I find myself fascinated by it,
by the thought of its release,
by the thought of joining you in the place where all rivers end.
I stand at the edge,
the precipice of oblivion,
the wind whipping my hair around my face,
the ground far below,
a final embrace,
a final reunion,
a final peace.
And I know,
with a certainty that terrifies and comforts me,
that I will step off,
that I will fall,
that I will join you,
that we will be together again,
in death,
as we were always meant to be.